By Popular Demand: The Force is Strong in Steve Harvey (2007)

Readers requested a re-post of this Mo’Kelly Report Classic.

DONE!

11.21.2007

Mo’Kelly personally likes Steve Harvey. Steve has never been anything other than kind, gracious and accommodating to Mo’Kelly over the years. And as a fellow man of Omega Psi Phi Fraternity, I respect him on a deeper level than most would casually understand.

While Harvey was heading the morning show at KKBT (now V100) in Los Angeles some years ago, Harvey was always effusive and reverent in any reference to his then wife, Mary. In fact, it was almost funny how when the pair were out in public together, Harvey was always subdued and deferential in nature, making it pointedly clear that his wife Mary precedes him in terms of acknowledgment and “fame.” In other words, each time Mo’Kelly saw the couple out together, Harvey went to great lengths to let the rest of “The Bruhs” (Omega-speak for ‘frat brothers’) and anyone else around know that Mary is “the star.” Seemingly, Mary had this “Que-Dog” on a tight leash.

Or at least publicly…that was the case.

Mo’Kelly has said on numerous occasions that we don’t and will not ever “know” these celebrities. Behind the facade of glitz, glamor and God-awful sums of cash lie regular folk like you and Mo’Kelly. Regular folk with regular problems.

But…

When you live your life in the public eye (i.e. a public figure,) you endure a higher level of scrutiny and a lesser expectation of privacy when it comes to skeletons.

Mo’Kelly would much rather spend the majority of his time talking about how Steve’s current and third wife Marjorie has two drug dealers as ex-husbands.

Trust…Mo’Kelly would LOVE to…but this story was in effect generated by Steve’s most recent ex Mary, so we’ll stick to her.

But if the opportunity should ever arise in the future to draw up a long, sordid, comical explanation as to why no man should marry a woman with drug dealers as ex-husbands…Mo’Kelly will take it.

(Mo’Kelly – 2011: Ah suki suki…Mo’Kelly WARNED y’all back in 2007!)

But for now, let’s focus on Mary who’s armed with Steve Harvey’s skeletons and ain’t afraid to use ‘em.

It seems ex-wife Mary is none too pleased about their recent divorce “settlement.” It also seems given her grievances, Mary may not be the brightest candle on the birthday cake. The ex-Mrs. Harvey alleges that Steve defrauded her out of money and other shared assets in the hopes of a “quickie divorce.” One of her main arguments was that allegedly Steve “convinced” her to use the same lawyer as he did for the divorce proceedings.

Mary Harvey’s Complaint in full

Huh?!

Mo’Kelly’s never been married and ergo never been divorced. Mo’Kelly’s not even been to law school, but he DAMN sure knows that in a divorce BOTH parties have their OWN lawyer?

Hasn’t Mary seen Waiting to Exhale? Bernadine got ROBBED, and she HAD her own lawyer!

If you’re divorcing someone who presumably abused you physically, emotionally and committed adultery…odds are you probably shouldn’t trust his legal advice for the divorce afterwards. Don’t quote Mo’Kelly on this, but if Steve is puttin’ hands on you physically and emotionally…(as heinous and unacceptable as that might be) Brotha probably isn’t going to look out for you in your bid to take half later on…

Mo’Kelly’s just sayin’…

Again, Mo’Kelly’s not a lawyer, but this doesn’t seem much like a crime. The physical abuse (if true)…is most definitely a crime, but there’s no law against the Jedi Mindtrick during the divorce proceedings. That’s why they call it DIVORCE. It’s supposed to be foul like that. You’re SUPPOSED to try to trick the other person into getting your unfair share…those are the rules! If somebody wants to take half of your money, your property and embarrass you as a public figure in the process…damn right the Jedi Mindtrick is fair game. Anybody trying to ruin Mo’Kelly financially is probably not Mo’Kelly’s friend. Nothing is out of bounds and all bets are off.

Mo’Kelly’s just sayin’… We can imagine how THAT conversation went down.

(Mary walks into the kitchen while Steve has his extra-large lips wrapped around a chicken bone. She holds up a woman’s pair of pink panties.)

“Steve! Who the hell panties are THESE I found?! You’re cheating on me…AGAIN?!

(Steve takes one hand off of the chicken and slowly waves it in front of Mary’s face.)

“These are not the panties you’re looking for. I never cheated on you and you want a quickie divorce.”

(Steve goes back to eating, Mary responds…mesmerized)

“Yes Steve, these aren’t the panties I’m looking for. You never cheated on me and I DO want a quickie divorce. But what about a lawyer for me?”

(Steve waves his hand again)

“You’ll use my lawyer. Search your feelings. You know this to be true…oh, and you also have no idea that I’ll be remarried to some other heifer three months after this conversation.”

(Steve continues sucking on a chicken bone with his oversized, greasy, shiny lips)

“Yes Steve, I’ll use your lawyer and haven’t the faintest idea that you’ll be married to some OTHER heifer three months after this conversation.”

If you review the complaint closely, filed in District Court in Harris County, Texas, it claims that the couple’s attorney, Ricky Anderson, told Mary she could not legally get more than $1000 monthly in child support for the couple’s son.

Mary Harvey’s Complaint in full

Uh, Mary…you were married to a multi-millionaire at the time. And you believed that? I know BROKE Brothas making an hourly wage who pay that much in child support.

“These are not the panties you’re looking for.”

Boy, that JediMindtrick is no joke!
Don’t hate the playa, hate the game! Steve sold Mary some “beachfront property” in Nebraska and now that she’s found out there are these new fangled gadgets called maps, she wants to accuse him of “fraud?”

Uh…that’s YO’ bad Mary.

“These are not the panties you’re looking for.”

Mo’Kelly’s just saying…

If Steve Harvey has enough Midi-chlorians coursing through his veins to enable him to have Mary believe she should use “his” lawyer and is only entitled to $1,000 of child support a month…then actually Steve Harvey is a Sith Lord and we should all seek to learn the power of the Dark Side!

Search your feelings Mary…you know this is true. The force is strong in Steve Harvey.

“These are not the panties you’re looking for.”