I like Gabrielle Union. That is to say, I appreciate how she presents herself in the public sphere and her dedication to her craft. As a member of the media, if you’ve ever interviewed her you know she is thoughtful and thought-provoking in her answers. If you’ve ever had just a casual conversation with her, you know her to be one of the more humble and genuine people you’d ever like to meet in Hollywood.
There’s nothing negative I can say about her personally or professionally and she’s earned that benefit of the doubt.
Therein, lies the most unfortunate aspects of the most recent public revelations of Union’s “union” to Miami Heat guard Dwyane Wade. In the space of a week, Union went from answering questions about her pending nuptials to answering questions about her fiancé starting a new family…but not with her.
The easy way out would have been the gossip route. The easy editorial is waxing rhapsodic and poetic with words like “babymama,” “groupie” and “basketball wives.” Or, I could have strung together humorous, alliterative quips about how condoms cost considerably less than child support.
That would have been both easier and funnier in nature; but would have missed the moment and the opportunity to say something much more meaningful.
We live in a society which exalts people we don’t know personally (celebrities) and creates excuses for people who have multiple children with multiple women (professional athletes). We’ve relegated standards and decency to being reserved only for “regular folks.” We allowed this to happen and created this celebrity-culture monster. Dwyane Wade in a media sense is being allowed have his cake and marry the baker down the street too. Maybe it’s because he’s an NBA star with three championship rings. Maybe (more cynically) it’s because the stereotype of African-American athletes randomly fathering children out of wedlock has muted our sense of outrage.
Maybe one…maybe both.
There is something contemptible about fathering a child on a whim and then having the unmitigated gall to propose to his “main woman” somewhat simultaneous to the birth. It’s as if the marriage proposal was some form of well-conceived, public relations preemptive strike. Wade knew when the baby would be born and the social media onslaught right along with it.
There is something reprehensible about the behavior of Wade and the media which largely has only addressed it in salacious terms, not substantive ones. It’s reasonable to publicly question whether Wade was more concerned with protecting his brand than promising his love to Gabrielle Union.
Despite what Charles Barkley might have said once upon a time, athletes are absolutely role models. It’s not a job offer to be declined as one would decline an invitation to a party. There is no RSVP required and attendance is mandatory.
Wade was #1 in NBA jersey sales once upon a time. Jerseys, sold to kids who have since grown up and likely still emulate Wade on some level. To suggest Wade only influences on-court behavior of his followers is to deny reality. Not reality as in “tv,” but the world which exists beyond the reach of HD cameras, edit bays and slick production techniques.
To be fair, Wade may have explained his transgression(s) adequately to the satisfaction of Union and his children from his first marriage. Maybe, maybe not and future implications remain to be seen. If in fact Union does marry Wade, whatever future, connected issues which may arise are hers and hers alone. She knows what awaits her. There’s a completely different commentary to be offered on the wisdom of a 41-year-old woman, marrying the 31-year-old star athlete with highly questionable sexual judgment. That commentary is not coming today…and hopefully not at all. Hopefully Wade will prove me wrong.
But also to be fair, Wade hasn’t addressed the public implications of his behavior. To suggest that this is now a “private” matter while concurrently publicly celebrating his engagement is self-serving hypocrisy.
African-American men have long been criticized (and rightly so) for fathering innumerable children out of wedlock. Wade’s financial means, which enable him to cut a check monthly does not supersede or supplant his parental responsibilities. Children need full-time parents, not just financial contributions. In addition, if the statistic holds up that 70% of NFL and 60% of NBA athletes go broke within five years of retirement, the child support checks aren’t guaranteed either.
Somewhere, Chad Ochocinco Johnson, Terrell Owens and hundreds of others are nodding together in agreement.
Do not let Wade confuse the issue by book-ending his previous marriage to Siohvaughn Funches and present engagement to Gabrielle Union around his more important behavior in between the two. How Wade and Union choose to handle their relationship within the walls of their home is truly their business and theirs alone. How we objectively characterize the behavior of Dwyane Wade is ours and we have a responsibility to do the right thing, even if Wade won’t.
Also…be sure to pick up Wade’s book, A Father First (now dripping with irony/hypocrisy); available on Amazon and with other fine booksellers.
RELATED:
Mo’Kelly Interviews Gabrielle Union – February 2013
16 responses to “Dwyane Wade Reminds Us That ‘Standards’ Are Only for Regular Folks”
Excellent article. Well said
Hey Mo, long time listener (I’m @Antpooh on Twitter) and agree with you most of the time. However, I must say that your liking for Ms. Gabrielle Union has clouded your judgement and call you out for writing a jaded attack on Dwyane Wade that unfairly eviscerates Wade while absolving Gabrielle Union of any blame for the current situation she now finds herself in.
Gabrielle Union is a grown woman who knowingly entered into a relationship with a married man, what does that say about her? Some might make excuses for her saying he was separated or he was in the process of divorcing his wife, but if we’re going to speculate on the behavior and questionable character of Wade it’s only fair to call out hers as well. At no point do you note that Wade and Gabrielle’s relationship began while he was still married to his first wife, meaning she was willing to break the cardinal rule of dating and getting serious with a man who had not finalized a divorce. You bring up child support and cutting a check while never once mentioning that he has full custody of his two sons. I find it reprehensible that you paint a picture of Wade being absent father in the life of his newborn when it IS public knowledge he fought for and achieved sole custody of his first two children. You state he has questionable sexual judgement and look to “characterize his behavior”, yet to everyone’s knowledge he’s only been with three women (his wife, Gabby, and his new child’s mother) while being a separated and now single man, meaning he was/is free to date and sleep with whoever he wants as he’s no longer married. Lastly, you demonize his behavior and say he’s “fathering a child on a whim” which indicates he randomly slept with someone yet you do not know the relationship he had with the mother of his new born child.
To me athlete’s are not role models nor should they be. They’re fame is achieved by their performance on the field and, in my opinion, is not something actively sought in the case of film, tv, or music star. The better they perform the more popularity and fame they achieve. Whereas a the aforementioned stars do present an image in order to maintain said popularity to continue their career. Big Difference.
I think your post is right on time. Thank you.
Well stated sir. Women let her have it; most men I encounter have given her a pass. I assume is based solely upon her appearance since none of them actually know her.
Well said sir. Women let her have it. Most men that I have encountered, have given her a pass. I assume that is due to her looks since none of them have actually met her.
“Lastly, you demonize his behavior and say he’s “fathering a child on a whim” which indicates he randomly slept with someone yet you do not know the relationship he had with the mother of his new born child.”
I find it hard to believe Dwayne’s newborn was a PLANNED pregnancy….
I
You have a way with words. I enjoyed this article. And I will subscribe. Unlike you, however I have not met either of these people. My most humble opinions if Ms Union was a friend of mind I’d tell her to keep it moving. Although I enjoy her in many of the rolls she has played, unlike you again on a personal level I am not impressed with her. There was an interview she gave and while back she thought her mic was off she burrp and farted just for kicks and giggles. Not cute. As for the basketball player you pretty much summed it up by saying “condoms are cheaper than child support”. As for the mother of the new born I’d book her on Iyanla Vanzant show “Fix my Life. Pronto.
First off Anthony, the world we live in is no different just because some are rich. Alot of regular people are seperated but yet have moved on without getting a divorce. No man gonna wait two years to start dating because the ex keep prolonging the divorce. I applaud dwade for owning up to his child but I PERSONALLY dont like how it came about but thats not my buisness. I like gabby too and wish her nothing but the best
If he was regular person and living up to his responsibilities we would call him a good father. Donald trump has kids by 3 different women. How dare you judge! He stepped up gave the child his name and is working out a fair child support payment arrangement. Everyone in the situation are adults. I could never tell anyone to leave their partner. that is a decision solely on him/her. I can guarantee he told her before he told the media, as he should. People make mistakes. unfortunately celebrities are demonized any time we find out they don’t live up to the standards WE create for them. get out of their business; we only pay to watch them play basketball not to dictate their lives. Dwayne if you are not a dead beat dad that is all that counts in my book! Continue to raise the next generation of great fathers, not perfect fathers.
Hi Mo’,
I’m just finding you via EUR web and I must say now, I want to subscribe to receive your posts. I thought that the title of your editorial was attractive but I must say that I was very pleased to see that this piece was produced by a man.
I feel this way because we need more men like you to hold the shameful activities of our men accountable. And let’s be clear as readers: There’s a lot of accountability that needs to take place, all around.
Someone commented that Gabby was getting off light in this editorial. Mr. Kelly (You) did mention that her (Gabby’s) issues warranted an entirely new article/editorial. However, the topic was about the piss-poor personal standards of D. Wade and the “celebrity class” in general. Therefore, this is what Mr. Kelly (You) addressed.
Actually, this editorial confirmed my new way of thinking: Celebrities ARE role-models, whether they want to be or not. Children buy the jerseys of athletes, aspiring to be like their favorite athlete. They fixate on perfecting jump-shots, touch downs, etc., in hopes of making it into the NFL or the NBA…just like their favorite athlete. For many of our children, these hopes and aspirations are the fuel that takes them out of impoverished situations.
The REALITY is, children and young adults aspire to live the lives of their favorite celebrities. When a celebrity exhibits poor personal judgement, behavior and standards, they aren’t simply affecting those in their personal circle. They disappoint the children and the young adults who look up to them and in some cases, these children/young adults become jaded and cynical…simply because their favorite celebrity/athlete let them down. Children/Young Adults can smell hypocrisy A MILE AWAY!
Furthermore, as a freelance press release writer, I immediately sensed that the scenario was a PR “thing”. I felt that this PR campaign was poorly executed on several levels. I actually brought this topic up before my professional freelance writing colleagues. I’m sorry, no matter how anyone tries to wrap this mess up in a bow and present it as a gift, it’s still FULL OF “ISH!”.
Finally, while I’m indifferent towards D. Wade, I’m a personal fan of Gabby’s. We are the same age and like her, I look much younger than what our chronological age is. I do feel that she represents her carriage well in public. She’s recently been very public about the personal work on herself she’s engaging in. I admire that she’s shown up for herself in life, in spite of surviving a violent rape that could have broken her spirit for life. However, I feel sad that she’s fine with all of this…at least publicly. Because she should SO NOT be fine with all of this!
It seems that no matter how anyone feels about Gabby and about how her relationship with D. Wade started, NOBODY believes she should move forward with this guy. His personal and his sexual character speaks for itself! They can keep saying “We were taking a break” but taking a break means that the couple steps back from engaging each other to work on themselves, so that they can enjoy a healthier relationship. “Take a break” doesn’t mean “Slide on in” the first pop-off that offers it up!
And worse, Gabby has said publicly that while they were “On break”, they spoke to each other every day. She said, “We’re best friends. We spoke everyday. We remained in contact.”. They have both publicly gone as far as to downplay their “separation”. So to me, this makes the impregnation EVEN WORSE! How does this guy have THE GALL to speak to the woman he supposedly loves on a daily basis, probably several times and day, while his mind is on having sloppy sex with a groupie?
Okay, this is long and thank you for this space, Mr. Kelly. There’s nothing more to be said but it hurts a piece of me to know that my sister, a beautiful, intelligent woman my age, is allowing her personal and therefore, her professional “brand” to be tarnished in this way. It’s one thing to get played by a man but it’s a whole ‘nother thing to allow a younger man to play you…and so publicly!
Hello,
I’m just finding you via EUR web and I must say now, I want to subscribe to receive your posts. I thought that the title of your editorial was attractive but I must say that I was very pleased to see that this piece was produced by a man.
I feel this way because we need more men like you to hold the shameful activities of our men accountable. And let’s be clear as readers: There’s a lot of accountability that needs to take place, all around.
Someone commented that Gabby was getting off light in this editorial. Mr. O’Kelly (You) did mention that her (Gabby’s) issues warranted an entirely new article/editorial. However, the topic was about the piss-poor personal standards of D. Wade and the “celebrity class” in general. Therefore, this is what Mr. O’Kelly (You) addressed.
Actually, this editorial confirmed my new way of thinking: Celebrities ARE role-models, whether they want to be or not. Children buy the jerseys of athletes, aspiring to be like their favorite athlete. They fixate on perfecting jump-shots, touch downs, etc., in hopes of making it into the NFL or the NBA…just like their favorite athlete. For many of our children, these hopes and aspirations are the fuel that takes them out of impoverished situations.
The REALITY is, children and young adults aspire to live the lives of their favorite celebrities. When a celebrity exhibits poor personal judgement, behavior and standards, they aren’t simply affecting those in their personal circle. They disappoint the children and the young adults who look up to them and in some cases, these children/young adults become jaded and cynical…simply because their favorite celebrity/athlete let them down. Children/Young Adults can smell hypocrisy A MILE AWAY!
Furthermore, as a freelance press release writer, I immediately sensed that the scenario was a PR “thing”, I felt that this PR campaign was poorly executed on several levels. I actually brought this topic up before my professional freelance writing colleagues. I’m sorry, no matter how anyone tries to wrap this mess up in a bow and present it as a gift, it’s still FULL OF “ISH!”.
Finally, while I’m indifferent towards D. Wade, I’m a personal fan of Gabby’s. We are the same age and like her, I look much younger than what our chronological age is. I do feel that she represents her carriage well in public. She’s recently been very public about the personal work on herself she’s engaging in. I admire that she’s shown up for herself in life, in spite of surviving a violent rape that could have broken her spirit for life. However, I feel sad that she’s fine with all of this…at least publicly. Because she should SO NOT be fine with all of this?
It seems that no matter how anyone feels about Gabby and how her relationship with D. Wade started, NOBODY believes she should move forward with this guy. His personal and his sexual character speaks for itself! They can keep saying “We were taking a break” but taking a break means that the couple steps back from engaging each other to work on themselves, so that they can enjoy a healthier relationship. “Take a break” doesn’t mean “Slide on in” the first pop-off that offers it up!
And worse, Gabby has said publicly that while they were “On break”, they spoke to each other every day. She said, “We’re best friends. We spoke everyday. We remained in contact.”. They have both publicly gone as far as to downplay their “separation”. So to me, this makes the impregnation EVEN WORSE! How does this guy have THE GALL to speak to the woman he supposedly loves on a daily basis, probably several times and day and his mind is on having sloppy sex with a groupie?
Okay, this is long and thank you for this space, Mr. Kelly. There’s nothing more to be said but it hurts a piece of me to know that my sister, a beautiful, intelligent woman my age, is allowing her personal and therefore, her professional “brand” to be tarnished in this way. It’s one thing to get played by a man but it’s a whole ‘nother thing to allow a younger man to play you…and so publicly!
A “mistake?. He is just not a “perfect father?” I have news for you. Avoiding the title of deadbeat requires more than a check.
Also, no…not everyone involved is an adult. Nobody consulted Wade’s first two kids and this absolutely impacts them.
We don’t “only pay to watch them” we pay for their books on fatherhood. They send out press releases and pictures to People magazine to celebrate their engagement et al.
I have every right to pass judgment on aberrant behavior. It doesn’t make it any less aberrant because Donald Trump also does it. Nobody’s kid is buying Donald Trump jerseys or buying his shoes.
Not a one.
He is a non-factor to our kids. Also, nobody is taking any fatherhood cues from him either. He is an a$$.
You are welcome to stay on topic and address the behavior. Just like how good parenting taught me…”I don’t care what kid down the street is doing, you are MY responsibility.”
Yes, he doesn’t need to be a perfect father but a GOOD fwther does not create such mess “on a whim.”
Personally, I don’t feel sorry for Gabrielle!! He was with his 1st wife when they were children, broke and had dreams. He gets famous, rich and not only did he leave her, he told the world she was mentally ill and TOOK her children from her. Not only did Gabrielle kick it with him while he was married, (she did) she talked junk about the wife publicly and her comments were very insensitive (Essence magazine). She has never appeared humble to me. But anyway, she is our 2014 poster child of “he’s gonna do you the same way”. The irony is, he took a woman’s babies from her with his woman either helping, we know she was watching. And turned around a made another baby with his side woman!!! Say what you want, I believe when it is all said and done, he and baby mama been kickin’ it. I hope the first wife is smiling today. Because, that lady suffered!!!! Wade ain’t right, Gabby ain’t either. She’s probably so hurt and embarrassed because she put her relationship out there and made it more than it really was. He says, not her, “they were on a break”. She must have thought because she was a celebrity, he wouldn’t disrespect her like he did his wife, because she believed all what he told her about his wife. But he did disrespect her. Nope, no sorry for her over here.
I agree with the previous post. A mistake usually involves buying parsley instead of cilantro for tacos. A mistake is spraying deodorant on your hair. A mistake is not what this ballplayer did. I teach college-level writing classes and when an assignment is a response piece on a controversial/ethical problem like Dwyane Wade’s situation, I feel disheartened by the current trend of the well-I’d-do-it or well-anyone-would-do-the-same-thing-in-that-situation justification as an argument for misbehavior and a misguided angle on personal values and standards. Kids don’t get the fact that a behavior is wrong because it’s wrong not because nobody is doing it. Furthermore, it is contrite for this basketball player to assert that this is a blessing to his bloodline and that he’s moving forward without an apology to his family. And by family, I mean his boys. A player he is, a father and true man I beg to differ. Any anyone can judge me for saying that…
Low thinkers exhibit low behavior. Just because these two people are in the limelight does not mean they have class, a moral compass that works properly and are unselfish. He is being the typical black athlete and she is portraying the typical desperate black woman. Money does not change ones moral code. My comments are mean, but true. Men only do what you allow them to do. Women make the rules for behavior and most men follow her lead. Gabrielle’s low self esteem is beyond my thoughts.
“To me athlete’s are not role models nor should they be. They’re fame is achieved by their performance…”
This line beginning the final paragraph of Anthony’s post only underscores FOR ME, the perspective of the person who wrote it. I hate to be a grammar nazi, but athleteS (with no apostrophe) ARE role models by nature of the fact that they are public figures and their behavior is center stage for public consumption. The way they handle their lives and personal affairs are what can and will be modeled by those of their fans that are impressionable.
You point at MoKelly with your damning index finger accusing him of Gabby-bias, but have three fingers pointing back at you for doing the same, much more blatantly, with Mr. Wade. But in the article, MoKelly very clearly levels no unfair portion of responsibility to Ms. Union for her perhaps, lack of judgment, being a 41-year-old woman dealing with a 31-year-old pro athlete.
We’ve all known that Dwyane Wade is with Gabrielle Union. The amount of time that he would have had outside that relationship to start, maintain and cement relations with another woman to father a child were insufficient to adequately do so, thinking about the time it would take for a thoughtful person to first mourn the old relationship, do some personal work, and start another.
And what father of two kids has the time to carry on a meaningful relationship WITH YET A THIRD woman ANYWAY!??!!