Posts Tagged ‘Arsenio Hall’

The new show has already been picked up by 17 of the top 20 markets and is scheduled to launch in the fall of 2013 and will be a Monday-Friday format. Arsenio Hall was an iconic figure in the ’90s. It was there that President Bill Clinton stopped by to woo the Black vote with his shades and saxophone.

“We’re excited to welcome Arsenio back to the family and partnering on his new, late-night syndicated talk show,” CBSTVD president John Nogawski said in announcing the news Monday. “Arsenio had a substantial following with his previous late-night show, and that same 18-34 audience is now right in the middle of the late-night core audience of 35-54. Years ago, he transcended time periods and attracted a crossover audience while bringing a fresh perspective to late night. That same need in the market exists today as when we originally launched. We are looking forward to the same success with Arsenio’s seasoned expertise and appeal in this genre.”

The Mo’Kelly Report is a syndicated politics and entertainment journal. Visit http://mrmokelly.com for the latest from Mr. Mo’Kelly. Tune into The Mo’Kelly Show Saturdays from 6-8pm PDT on KFI AM640 and Sirius XM 166 Saturdays and Sundays from 8-9pm PDT. Contact Mo’Kelly at mrmokelly@gmail.com.

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Mo’Kelly wants his invitation to Tracey Edmonds and Eddie Murphy’s wedding and he wants it NOW! It doesn’t matter if neither the bride nor groom want Mo’Kelly in the house…Mo’Kelly wants his invitation and with a quickness.

Hurry, hurry…chop, chop!

For all of you out there who somehow thought the wedding of Tony Parker and Eva Longoria was the wedding of the decade…think again. For all of you who might have thought the “wedding” of Usher Raymond and Todd ERRR Tameka Foster was the event of the decade…you’ve got another thing coming.

For anyone who loves a good train wreck, the wedding of Tracey E. McQuarn Edmonds and Edward Regan Murphy must be put on your calendar.

Y’all know Mo’Kelly LOVES a good train wreck and this is shaping up to be a perfect storm of celebrity, babymamas, paternity suits and pre-op trannies.

It’s likely that Eddie’s publicist, Arnold Robinson over at Rogers & Cowan is on suicide watch even as we speak. But before you do anything too rash Arnold, send Mo’Kelly his invitation post haste! Mo’Kelly doesn’t care if this could be an absolute nightmare for you…Mo’Kelly wants to see the train wreck firsthand!

It doesn’t matter if both Murphy and Edmonds are quoted as wanting a small, intimate ceremony…we all know how this wedding “event” is going to turn out. Mo’Kelly would give his left pinky toe and any three fingers to be in the audience on the day that these two exchange their vows.

High comedy.

Could you just imagine what this wedding would be like?!

(Guests have filed in and seated respective to their connection to the would-be groom or bride. The wedding procession begins…)

(The flower girl Johnny Gill walks in, dropping rose petals for the bride to walk upon when she enters. Johnny eyes a dapper Eddie Murphy standing tall with his groomsmen…which include his “carpool friend” ‘Shalimar,’ who is dressed in a half-suit/dress ensemble. The Flower Girl begins to sing…)

“My, my, my…my my my my…you sure look good tonight. And you’re so damn fine! Oh and you’re alright lookin’ too Tracey.”

(Mo’Kelly Factoid – My, My, My was written by Babyface – Ironic?)

…but back to the wedding.

“Put on your white dress, and slip on your high heels…”

(Charlie Murphy enters with a small camera crew, stands off to the side and begins…)

“Hello there, Negroes and Negrettes. I am your host, Charlie Murphy and welcome to…’Hot Ghetto Mess.’ Today, Black people…I get a new sister-in-law. A new sister-in-law who “allegedly” was caught creepin’ in the act by her ex-husband Babyface (he’s over there on the organ) and now she’s marrying a man, my brother, who just fathered a child with a Spice Girl…and then denied it. People, we GOT to do better.”

(The Flower Girl gets more and more emotional.)

“Eddie…put your nightgown on, let your hair hang low. Step in our room, I’m in the mood, to love you all night long. You got me sayin’ My, my, my, my My-my-my My my my my my A-my, my A-my, my A-my, my M-m-m-m-my m-my, my my My my my My my my muhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

(Arsenio Hall stands up from his seat; clapping in exuberance…a tear runs down his cheek. He points his extra-long index finger at the Flower Girl.)

“SAAAAANG Johnny, you sang that song!”

(Eddie becomes visibly uncomfortable and facially tries to get Johnny to “tone it down.” The bridesmaids start to file in…Johnny sings a different, more ‘uptempo’ song for their processional.)

“Can you feel…EDDIE, the magic in my hands, when I touch…and rub you the right way?!”

(Johnny again looks deep into Eddie’s eyes)

“Stroke…applied with tenderness. When I hold…and rub you the right way! Pump pump it up!”

(Arsenio stands back up.)

“Eddie, you and Tracey remember to hold on to God’s unchanging hand. He helped Joshua…fight the battle of Jericho. He helped Daniel… get out the lion’s den, he helped GILLIGANNNNNNN get off the island. (points back at The Flower Girl) You sing that song Flower Girl!”

(The bride, Tracey “Edmonds” stands at the doorway to the sanctuary, the guests stand upon seeing her. Babyface…”the organist” starts to play; The Flower Girl sings some more as the bride processes down the aisle.)

“She’s your Queen-to-be. A Queen-to-be forever. A Queen who’ll do whatever his highness desires. She’s your Queen-to-be. A vision of perfection. An object of affection to quench your royal fire. Completely free from infection. To be used at your discretion. Waiting only for your direction. Your Queen-to-beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”

(Tracey makes it to the altar and stands next to Eddie. The minister presides over the ceremony without interruption or uncomfortable moment. The loving couple exchanges vows and then the minister admonishes the guests…)

“If there is anyone here, who has any reason why these two shouldn’t wed, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

(There is a slight pause…then Mel B. walks in with the Eddie Murphy lovechild and yells from the back.)

“I object! That’s my babydaddy!”

(“Shalimar” steps out of line from the groomsmen.)

“I object! Who’s Your Tranny?!”

(Arsenio stands up, points his extra-long index finger at Shalimar.)

“Girl, you look so good, someone ought to put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit. Sexual Chocolate!”

(Babyface stands up from behind the organ and serenades Tracey.)

“I object too…Tracey, when can I see you again? When can my heart beat again?
When does the pain ever end? When do the tears stop from running over?
When does ‘you’ll get over it’ begin?”

(Tracey finally speaks up.)

“Babyface…Negro, I don’t love you anymore. I love Eddie…or at least I think I do. Scary Spice needs a good man and brotha you need a hug, so you two go make it happen. I’m not picking on you…but I love Eddie…I think. So get over it.”

(Babyface pauses, then…)

“I hear what you’re saying. But I swear that it’s not making sense.
So when can I see you, ooooowhoohooooooooo?”

(Charlie breaks in)

“This is truly a Hot Ghetto Mess…I’m your host Charlie Murphy. People, we GOT to do better.”

(The Flower Girl becomes offended and indignant.)

“Eddie, I object too…don’t you know,

(The flower girl rips off his shirt, exposing his chest and starts doing “The Running Man” as he sings.)

“I’ll be your bridge over and through troubled waters, you’ll never have to face it alone.
And when the world seems to treat a you unfair. Baby, for you I’ll always be there.

I won’t be no fair-weather friend
I’ll be there till the end.
Even through stormy weather,
Time and time again.”

You damn right I object. Tired of these damn flowers anyway.”

Arnold Robinson, you HAVE to invite Mo’Kelly to the wedding. Just let Mo’Kelly know the time and place and he will be there, gift in hand.

RELATED:

Johnny Gill Was NOT the Best Man!

An Open Letter to Johnny Gill (and Those Like Him)

The Mo’Kelly Report is an entertainment journal with a political slant. It is meant to inform, infuse and incite meaningful discourse…as well as entertain. The Mo’Kelly Report is syndicated by Newstex. For more Mo’Kelly, http://www.MrMoKelly.com. Morris W. O’Kelly can be reached at Mo@MrMoKelly.com and he welcomes all commentary.

Mo’Kelly wants his invitation to Tracey Edmonds and Eddie Murphy’s wedding and he wants it NOW! It doesn’t matter if neither the bride nor groom want Mo’Kelly in the house…Mo’Kelly wants his invitation and with a quickness.

Hurry, hurry…chop, chop!

For all of you out there who somehow thought the wedding of Tony Parker and Eva Longoria was the wedding of the decade…think again. For all of you who might have thought the “wedding” of Usher Raymond and Todd ERRR Tameka Foster was the event of the decade…you’ve got another thing coming.

For anyone who loves a good train wreck, the wedding of Tracey E. McQuarn Edmonds and Edward Regan Murphy must be put on your calendar.

Y’all know Mo’Kelly LOVES a good train wreck and this is shaping up to be a perfect storm of celebrity, babymamas, paternity suits and pre-op trannies.

It’s likely that Eddie’s publicist, Arnold Robinson over at Rogers & Cowan is on suicide watch even as we speak. But before you do anything too rash Arnold, send Mo’Kelly his invitation post haste! Mo’Kelly doesn’t care if this could be an absolute nightmare for you…Mo’Kelly wants to see the train wreck firsthand!

It doesn’t matter if both Murphy and Edmonds are quoted as wanting a small, intimate ceremony…we all know how this wedding “event” is going to turn out. Mo’Kelly would give his left pinky toe and any three fingers to be in the audience on the day that these two exchange their vows.

High comedy.

Could you just imagine what this wedding would be like?!

(Guests have filed in and seated respective to their connection to the would-be groom or bride. The wedding procession begins…)

(The flower girl Johnny Gill walks in, dropping rose petals for the bride to walk upon when she enters. Johnny eyes a dapper Eddie Murphy standing tall with his groomsmen…which include his “carpool friend” ‘Shalimar,’ who is dressed in a half-suit/dress ensemble. The Flower Girl begins to sing…)

“My, my, my…my my my my…you sure look good tonight. And you’re so damn fine! Oh and you’re alright lookin’ too Tracey.”

(Mo’Kelly Factoid – My, My, My was written by Babyface – Ironic?)

…but back to the wedding.

“Put on your white dress, and slip on your high heels…”

(Charlie Murphy enters with a small camera crew, stands off to the side and begins…)

“Hello there, Negroes and Negrettes. I am your host, Charlie Murphy and welcome to…’Hot Ghetto Mess.’ Today, Black people…I get a new sister-in-law. A new sister-in-law who “allegedly” was caught creepin’ in the act by her ex-husband Babyface (he’s over there on the organ) and now she’s marrying a man, my brother, who just fathered a child with a Spice Girl…and then denied it. People, we GOT to do better.”

(The Flower Girl gets more and more emotional.)

“Eddie…put your nightgown on, let your hair hang low. Step in our room, I’m in the mood, to love you all night long. You got me sayin’ My, my, my, my My-my-my My my my my my A-my, my A-my, my A-my, my M-m-m-m-my m-my, my my My my my My my my muhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

(Arsenio Hall stands up from his seat; clapping in exuberance…a tear runs down his cheek. He points his extra-long index finger at the Flower Girl.)

“SAAAAANG Johnny, you sang that song!”

(Eddie becomes visibly uncomfortable and facially tries to get Johnny to “tone it down.” The bridesmaids start to file in…Johnny sings a different, more ‘uptempo’ song for their processional.)

“Can you feel…EDDIE, the magic in my hands, when I touch…and rub you the right way?!”

(Johnny again looks deep into Eddie’s eyes)

“Stroke…applied with tenderness. When I hold…and rub you the right way! Pump pump it up!”

(Arsenio stands back up.)

“Eddie, you and Tracey remember to hold on to God’s unchanging hand. He helped Joshua…fight the battle of Jericho. He helped Daniel… get out the lion’s den, he helped GILLIGANNNNNNN get off the island. (points back at The Flower Girl) You sing that song Flower Girl!”

(The bride, Tracey “Edmonds” stands at the doorway to the sanctuary, the guests stand upon seeing her. Babyface…”the organist” starts to play; The Flower Girl sings some more as the bride processes down the aisle.)

“She’s your Queen-to-be. A Queen-to-be forever. A Queen who’ll do whatever his highness desires. She’s your Queen-to-be. A vision of perfection. An object of affection to quench your royal fire. Completely free from infection. To be used at your discretion. Waiting only for your direction. Your Queen-to-beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”

(Tracey makes it to the altar and stands next to Eddie. The minister presides over the ceremony without interruption or uncomfortable moment. The loving couple exchanges vows and then the minister admonishes the guests…)

“If there is anyone here, who has any reason why these two shouldn’t wed, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

(There is a slight pause…then Mel B. walks in with the Eddie Murphy lovechild and yells from the back.)

“I object! That’s my babydaddy!”

(“Shalimar” steps out of line from the groomsmen.)

“I object! Who’s Your Tranny?!”

(Arsenio stands up, points his extra-long index finger at Shalimar.)

“Girl, you look so good, someone ought to put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit. Sexual Chocolate!”

(Babyface stands up from behind the organ and serenades Tracey.)

“I object too…Tracey, when can I see you again? When can my heart beat again?
When does the pain ever end? When do the tears stop from running over?
When does ‘you’ll get over it’ begin?”

(Tracey finally speaks up.)

“Babyface…Negro, I don’t love you anymore. I love Eddie…or at least I think I do. Scary Spice needs a good man and brotha you need a hug, so you two go make it happen. I’m not picking on you…but I love Eddie…I think. So get over it.”

(Babyface pauses, then…)

“I hear what you’re saying. But I swear that it’s not making sense.
So when can I see you, ooooowhoohooooooooo?”

(Charlie breaks in)

“This is truly a Hot Ghetto Mess…I’m your host Charlie Murphy. People, we GOT to do better.”

(The Flower Girl becomes offended and indignant.)

“Eddie, I object too…don’t you know,

(The flower girl rips off his shirt, exposing his chest and starts doing “The Running Man” as he sings.)

“I’ll be your bridge over and through troubled waters, you’ll never have to face it alone.
And when the world seems to treat a you unfair. Baby, for you I’ll always be there.

I won’t be no fair-weather friend
I’ll be there till the end.
Even through stormy weather,
Time and time again.”

You damn right I object. Tired of these damn flowers anyway.”

Arnold Robinson, you HAVE to invite Mo’Kelly to the wedding. Just let Mo’Kelly know the time and place and he will be there, gift in hand.

RELATED:

Johnny Gill Was NOT the Best Man!

An Open Letter to Johnny Gill (and Those Like Him)

The Mo’Kelly Report is an entertainment journal with a political slant. It is meant to inform, infuse and incite meaningful discourse…as well as entertain. The Mo’Kelly Report is syndicated by Newstex. For more Mo’Kelly, http://www.mokellyreport.blogspot.com. Morris W. O’Kelly can be reached at mokellyreport@sbcglobal.net and he welcomes all commentary.