Tiger Woods

In light of the pending Tiger Woods press conference, Mo’Kelly is going to offer a special look into the future and tell you in advance what Tiger Woods will say.  Nowhere else in the world will you be able to find out just what exactly Tiger will offer to the public  (in advance) except here in The Mo’Kelly Report.

If you didn’t think Mo’Kelly was psychic before, you will now.  Remember, Mo’Kelly is going on the record TWO days before the press conference.  No need to tune in…HERE is what Tiger will say, in no particular order with the exception of first thanking his wife.

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“I want to apologize to my wife first and foremost.  She has been amazing through all of this and I couldn’t have made it through this without her support.  I could never thank her enough.”

“I want to apologize to all the young people out there who I have let down.”

“My father taught me better.  I think about what he would say and that’s why I’m here talking to all of you today.”

“I want to thank all my friends, especially Jesper Parnevik who have not given up on me and continued to support me throughout this difficult time.”

“I have to set a better example for my children and young people everywhere.”

“I’m not a perfect man.”

“I’ve been spending time just working on myself and my marriage and getting my family back to normal, because my family is the most important thing in the world.”

“Golf is just a game…this is real life.  I’ll return to the game of golf when I’m sure and my wife is sure that our relationship is strong enough to move forward…because family is what’s most important to me.”

“Thank you to all of those who understood and respected that this has been a private matter and will continue to honor our privacy moving forward.  This is about family.”

“I’ve now established a foundation/created an awareness campaign/will donate proceeds from future tournaments/name my next child accordingly…in order to help fight the dreaded disease of sexual addiction.”

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” (Oops, that was out of the Bill Clinton handbook…strike that.  He DAMN sure won’t be saying that.)

Well there you have it.  No need to tune in.  In fact, The Mo’Kelly Report will check back after the press conference and align his remarks with the predictions here.  And Mo’Kelly isn’t talking about “general sentiments,” Mo’Kelly means, word-for-word.  Let’s just see how psychic Mo’Kelly is…

[Stay tuned…the new mrmokelly.com website is coming to you in 2010.  Set your browsers now.]

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